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His lawyer filled out all necessary forms, including the abstract
tracing the titles of the land back to 1803.  The government reviewed his application and the abstract and sent back the following reply:

"We received your letter enclosing application for your client and supported by abstract of title.  We observed, however, that you have not traced the title previous to 1803, and before final approval it will be necessary that the title be traced previously to that year."

Resulting in the lawyer sending the following letter to the government.
 
Gentlemen:
Your letter regarding the title received.  I note that you wish the title to be claimed further than I have done. I was unaware that an educated man failed to know that Lousiana was purchased from France in 1803.  The title of the land was acquired by France by right of conquest from Spain.

The land came into possession of Spain in 1493 by right of discovery by an Italian named Christopher Columbus.  The good Queen Isabella of Spain, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope of Rome upon Columbus' voyage before she sold her jewels to help him.

Now the Pope is the emissary of Jesus Christ, Son of God.  And God made the world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to assume that He also made that part of the United States called Louisiana and I hope to heck you're satisfied.

Q.  What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A.  A Doberman.


Q.  Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A.  If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once
launched, They  cannot be recalled.  When they land, they screw
up everything forever.


Q.  What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A.  One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.


Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.


Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities


Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a carp?
A: One is a cold blooded bottom dwelling scavenger and the other
is a fish.


Q.  It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) ...
A.  It was SO cold ... that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his
own pockets.


Q.  You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a
lawyer.  You have a gun with two bullets.  What should you do?
A.  Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.  The  
lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and
everything  I owned was destroyed by the fire.  The insurance
company paid for  everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer.  "I'm here 
because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a
flood,  and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused.  "How do you start a 
flood?" he asked.

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from
LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of
fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the
answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" -- figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no
end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to
the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls
out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his
coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde
politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks,
"Well, so what IS the answer!?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5,
and goes back to sleep.